Alhamdulillah we met again ☺ So today i would love to continue sharing my journey throughout my daughter's operation.
Indeed, even those 2 days earlier had made me felt like years and drowned in tears. Imagine, i've been stayed there for 10 days. It's hard, to not be there with your strengthener (hubby) all the time, cz u need him to strengthen u, to make u feels that u can, to soothes u, to just everything in those difficult moments. and yes at some point, like normal human being, u'd just fell and fragile, and almost give up your strength.
but hey, it's okay cz that's the special part of that learning u know. ☺
3rd April 2014 -
She had passed all of the minor tests to make it for the operation. The things that bothered me so much is that, she have to fast (puasa) since literally early in the morning, before dawn. Yet until 10 am, she still not been called for the operation. It breaks my heart, when she asked for breastfeed, when she asked for food etc. Literally broke it, and made me cried over and over again without failed. Even there's time that she was playing and there's a bowl kind of toy, and she said, 'nak,' (i want that) at the same time she looked into that empty bowl, then she just like, stop, like disappointed that it was empty. Allah, automatically my tears burst out. I was like, she must be starving, and yet she had an operation to go through! Only Allah knows, lovelies.
Around 11am the nurse came in and told us that she's up next (for the operation). Dear Lord, my heart was pounded heavily, and i'm feeling the oppression, but merely, i just didn't know, i mean, i was like numb. it's only her in my mind, heart and vision. the moment a nurse came and show us the room etc which she'll be placed after the operation, and said that she'll be a bit or a lot different, showed me those pics of babies etc after the operation, the icu wards, etc, oh well of course i couldn't hold my tears even she asked to do so. Luckily hubby was there for that day, and we face it altogether with our families.
Thank you Allah, at that time being, there's this one zikr that suddenly pop into my mind,
"La hawla wala quwwata illa billa hil aliyyilazim."
yes that zikr. and even at that time i'm not really sure what it exactly mean but i believed my instinct, and i believed it was His merciful help to me. so i kept on recite that zikr, all the way to the operation room, and miraculously, alhamdulillah, i felt stronger than ever. i felt calm, i felt sooth, i felt, great. even up until the moment i handed them my baby girl, i managed to not cried yet calm and stronger. she's calm too until she's fall asleep while we're waiting outside the operation room before i have to hand her over u know! alhamdulillah, that's another event of the power of zikrullah, the magic sentences, that happened to me :') I've checked what's the meaning of that zikr and came up with this -
"There's no power and no strength, except from Allah, The Highest High, The Almighty."
Dear Lord, it's literally is a miracle! Alhamdulillah, despite of my fragileness during the first few days, yet thank you hubby for motivated me back to kept on holding with Allah. to kept on staying in His path. To kept on believing beyond excelsior thinking and everything. Indeed, when u submit yourself truly to Him, He won't let u astray nor abandoned u. In fact, He's always there, always, for u. ☺
Here's some of the pics on that day. Sorry but next part will be continued yea lovelies. Stay tuned and thanks for reading. May it'll be just as beneficial to us all. Have a great day ahead! ☺
